So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
They are going to name an STD after you.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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