She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Randomize
