i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
