My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
