mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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