To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
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