I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
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He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
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