I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think pants incapable of making pants work
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize