I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
