I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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