At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Four minutes until I can fart!
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Randomize
