I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
