i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
