Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
