What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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