Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
