I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
