I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize