I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
