I want to make a zoo with you.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Randomize
