If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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