Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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