you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Randomize
