i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
