Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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