You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
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I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize