I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
do herpes really smell.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Randomize
