Can Purell be used as lube?
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
