Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
