Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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