I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
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