i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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