i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
