Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
