a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
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