So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
