Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize