I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize