The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Randomize
