respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
Randomize
