Need sex. Gaining weight.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
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