his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Randomize
