just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Randomize
