I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
