Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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