I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Randomize
