I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
