so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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