Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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