When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
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