Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize