so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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