there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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