If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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