I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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