What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Randomize
