I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
