he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Randomize
