i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
