she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
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