Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
