he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
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All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
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I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
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