Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
